My husband and I had times in our marriage that were not so great.
Probably like most couples, we had our ups and downs, but there were times when
it seemed we kept going down further and further. Unfortunately there was a lot
of divorce in his family and at those times when our relationship was rocky, it
seemed the “D” word dropped easily from his lips and fell like a heavy weight
between us. I didn’t like it.
The main reason I didn’t like it was because I had made a
vow not only to my husband, but more importantly, to God that I would love and
cherish my husband until “death us do part”. I did not want to offend God by
taking the “easy” way out. I took my vow seriously, plus there was no domestic
violence, it was just two people jockeying for control and quite honestly, most
of it was rather petty stuff from what I can remember. We had different ways of
doing things, saying things, interacting with others, etc. Probably the very
things that attracted us to each other (opposites attract) became the little
problems that plagued us. A lack of communication, our own selfishness, plus a
failure to try to understand each other’s perspective lead to the down times
and dropping of the hurtful word, divorce.
In an updated edition of Thomas A Kempis’ The Imitation of Christ, Kempis reminds us that “We should not count ourselves better
than others, for perhaps we may appear worse in the sight of God who knows what
is in our souls. Do not be proud of good works, because God does not judge as
people do. What pleases people often displeases him…It does us no harm to place
ourselves below all others, but great harm occurs when we place ourselves above
even one person. Peace is always with the humble person, but in the heart of
the proud there is envy and continual wrath.”
I thank God that Mike and I continued to seek Him, sought
help from Biblical counselors, and by seeking to please God rather than
ourselves, we were able to put aside our petty differences and embrace what
made us unique and drew us together in the first place.
2 Corinthians 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is eternal.
